twinkest:

Thank you mom. WIthout me, you wouldn’t be a mom.

blein:

sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS A BUNCH OF LAPTOPS SO HE TOOK THE SUITCASE AND RAN AND I JUST 

meladoodle:

*prosecuting lawyer voice* i have only one question for the defendant… ‘guiltypersonsayswhat?’
“what?” 
haha owned you’re going to jail

foie:

• greet
• chat
• chat
• chat
• joke
• joke
• joke
• joke
• compliment appearance
• compliment personality
• flirt
• flirt
• flirt
• hug
• hug
• hug
• hug
• hug
• hug
• amorous hug
• amorous hug
• first kiss
• kiss
• kiss
• kiss
• make out
• make out
• make out
• make out
• woo-hoo
• woo-hoo
• woo-hoo
• propose

ronaldreaganisdead:

rocks dont move and they are happy

(Source: nippled)