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if u see me smiling in public it means im laughing at the jokes i tell myself in my head 

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oomshi:

is masturbating while smoking weed called masturblazing 

no its called highjacking

guys no it’s weedwhacking

no its called dissapointing ur mother

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sadderdays:

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when an animal doesn’t like me it really impacts my self esteem 

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I feel like we’ve all known a girl in elementary school that was obsessed with horses

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Blood type: $$$

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burning-young:

girls on their periods

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I don’t know why this made me laugh so hard hahahah

bombhills-notcountries:

I don’t know why this made me laugh so hard hahahah

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Farts are the ghosts of the food we eat

image

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Convo I just had with my dad

  • Dad: hey I'm gonna go grocery shopping do you need anything?
  • Me: uuuhhh....
  • Me: contemplates wether or not I should ask him to get me pads since I need them desperately
  • Dad: anything at all?
  • Me: uh... Yeah.... Can you get me some pads
  • Dad: Sure
  • Me: Are you serious? Wouldn't you be embarrassed?
  • Dad: Natalie, I'm a 56 year old man who has been buying pads for your mother for over 20 years. No I'm not embarrassed.
  • Me: But I thought guys get squirmish when we ask them to buy this stuff for us
  • Dad: boys are squirmish. Men will step out and buy you as many pads and tampons as you need. A man will understand that you cannot control your cycle and that this is a natural bodily process. So, if you ever find a guy who's too embarrassed to buy you pad just bleed on everything he owns.
  • Me: OMG DAD